The world is getting pissed off at Michael Schumacher.

Sure, he's great.  However, when we all get up at 7:30 am to watch him drive around a track by himself (as the producers would have us believe), some of us would like nothing more than go back to bed until the other teams wake up.

Writes James Mossop, "Noise and danger have never been a cure for insomnia but Formula One is putting together a mixture guaranteed to send its millions of armchair spectators to sleep."

What can be done about Ferrari's dominance of the sport?  Should anything be done?  In the 80's, they banned turbocharged engines because the few teams that could afford them were blowing the rest of the pack away.  Later, launch control systems were banned for the same reason, only to be re-introduced this past season.

These days, it's even more lopsided than that, but the cars are theoretically the same - there is nothing that Ferrari are doing that could be done away with (short of banishing Michael Schumacher from the tracks) that could level the playing field.

Or is there?

Here's the plan.

We love the French.  Just look at our infatuation with Youppi!, the French-Canadian baseball mascot.  What could be a better tribute to the French than this:

• we buy the bankrupt Prost team
• we paint the cars yellow and slap big-ass Egulphy's on them
• we get a few sponsors from areas untouched by conventional ad-men:  feminine hygiene products, denture adhesives, and breakfast cereals, to suggest a few
• we hire Jos Verstappen and woo Mika Hakkinen back to the sport by promising to babysit Hugo for him
• we use Michelin tires so we too can cheat and run the mandatory treads off of our wheels like everyone else does
• we hire two-pack-a-day smokers to prance around the paddock wearing tobacco logos - just to keep it real!!!
• we pay drivers bonus points for taking out Ferraris and base their salaries on their blocking ability
• we'll let Bernie Ecclestone touch our balls (see photo)
• we steal the idea from the guys who want to buy the Montreal Expos and have everyone we know pitch in at least five bucks to fund this team purchase (see link)

We have a winning formula.  All we need are a few million dollars to get us started. 

Remember, every little bit helps.