January 21, 2001

Who drinks this shit anyway?

January 21, 2001

Okay, so the video link didn't work last week (deleted it...will try again next week)...lots of things didn't work so well last week, including the Paperless One's computer, which is now all tuned up and better than ever before, and fully capable of uploading all sorts of crap video onto your screen. As soon as the weather gets better, maybe you can expect some guerrilla video a la Michael Moore, but until then, I bring you this:

WHO DRINKS BAJA ROSA?

Then grease me up woman!!!

Here are a couple of ads that have been popping up about town for a tequila/strawberry liqueur combo that is apparently being forced down our throats by the presence of the multitude of glaring giant "rocker chicks" on billboard ads all over the place. I didn't think much of it when I saw the first ad (same theme as these, with the caption "Knows how to hogtie. Loves Baja.").

Here's a couple of the other ones floating around. They didn't start to bother me until I began to get creeped out by these "rocker chicks" and their tequila-suggestive looks. The Paperless One consulted his Paperless Cousin, who has an inside scoop in the world of alcohol, partly due to his insider status as a chef, and also partly due to his love...of...alcohol.

Baby you can ride in the sidecar... He reported that Baja Rosa is not the first of such beverages, although you or I may have never heard of it, thousands of speed freak metal chicks with rose tattoos on various locations of their bodies were subjected to being a test market for TEQUILA ROSE, the predecessor of Baja Rosa. This took place a couple years ago at a food and beverage trade show, where the makers of said TEQUILA ROSE were giving out temporary ROSE TATTOOS to potential customers. Go figure...marketing a product aimed at aging self-proclaimed "rock goddesses" by giving out fake rose tattoos. Oh, the irony! There's a reason why TEQUILA ROSE made a run for the border, and that is BAD MARKETING.

If BAJA ROSA's ad campaigns are as unsuccessful as TEQUILA ROSE's, they are destined for the same trip up the Rio Grande. Sure, the product will be a TREMENDOUS money-maker, as the manufacturer will be selling it at premium prices due to the agaves shortage, but the market seems so slim. How many more "rocker chick" clichés will we have to be subjected to? Will we have to look at ads like this?!?

Good vibrations?

Armies of big-haired metal chicks of the 70's and 80's will revolt in mass quantities if this trend continues, and NOT buy the product that was made with them in mind. What will be next for Baja Rosa?

As was the case with Kool cigarettes, there's always the ethnic markets, as ad "experts" like to try as a last ditch effort. In true Bulworth fashion, white guys in big suits could get together and buy the endorsement of a famous black superstar like Dr. Dre, ensuring them some "street cred". Ads may look like this...

...and there would never be any need to hand out fake rose tattoos at a trade show EVER AGAIN.

The Paperless One welcomes your "Baja Rosa" ad parodies and will post them on a follow-up page in the near future. Until then, drink up - someone has to!