February 4, 2001

Show-a-writer-love...

February 4, 2001

The Paperless One gets some fucking weird mail sometimes! Check out this prize gem, sent in to not one of my e-mail addresses, but to every single address on the egulphy.com domain!

The Paperless One is always in there for showing a writer love and publishing his or her writings on www.egulphy.com - it gets me out of writing a column, and if you've followed Paperless for the past few years, you will know that it isn't always regular, but comes back on a regular basis, much like gas is sure to follow a good bowl of chili. I'm not comparing the two, but, you know...

Speaking of gas, I laughed like I haven't since I stole that canister of laughing gas from the dentist's office when I read the e-mail (I'm kidding, duh!).

Here it is:

You're-So-Beautiful

You should be a super model , walking down the run way and if I had you by my side , I would , be happy everyday . But , you ain't by my side , you with some other fool , but I could give you more and I wish , yall the best , because I'm creeping out the door . But , I always keep the faith , because I wish , my dreams , come true , then I wouldn't be in competition for your love , it would be just , me and you . Because , you look so good , I think , I'm going to pass out , I wish , I was your man , that's what I'm rapping about . If I was your man , I would , love you with all my heart and I wouldn't let no one , come between us , so we'll be apart . You look so beautiful , I could , stare at you , all day , then when it's time for sex , your sexy body will blow me away . When , I look at you , I think , I'm in a dream , I think , you could be my soul mate and you don't know , how much you mean . If you are my soul mate , I'll give you all my trust and I'll wait to have sex , so I want rush . If I rush you , I could , make you leave , then I'll beg for your forgiveness , please don't leave , please , please , please . I ain't the begging type, because I'm more like a hustler , now I done fell , so deep in love with you , I think , I'm turning into a buster .

Did you all get the demo tape , I sent you all ? I sent my songs, " Trunk-Of-Funk," "I-Wish," & " Passing-Out-That-HIV." I'm ready to present my 1st album , HAVE-FAITH ! My style will, SHAKE-UP-THE-WORLD ! If you all help me get a record contract , I'll owe you all a MILLION-DOLLARS , TRUST-ME ! I'm ready to TRAVEL ! My stage name is In-Fes-tor. PLEASE , SHOW-A-WRITER-LOVE ?

There you have it. The Paperless One is highly recommending that all of you record company types sign In-Fes-Tor. One million dollars would go a long way to fixing up the Paperless Empire - we could even afford a new paint job on our background colour! Think about it!

Wesley Willis, yesterday The Paperless One already has serious bands vying for spots on the In-Fes-Tor tribute album. People in Edmonton are already lining up for the CD to go on sale, and in Kamloops, In-Fes-Tor is the local radio station's most requested act, even though he doesn't even have a CD out yet.

Sign this person, please! If Anton Maiden and Wesley Willis have a place in the musical landscape, this person ought to as well! For the love of God!!!

I think the domain name is available, too!

Check out In-Fes-Tor at www.in-fes-tor.com, whenever he gets a website...