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| Aside from giving millions of people the finger in his almost 20-year existence, Egulphy has made a few friends along the road, and picked up a few hitchers as well.
New reviews posted frequently, because Epinions is one of the hottest sites out there at the moment, in the humble opinion of the Paperless One. Enter the URL of your favourite web page on www.pornolize.com, and it may come out something like this: "For instance, I have asslicked several compact scats from the Plowed "Dripper Dick" Scats, with postage fingerfucking from $1.74 to $6.00 (for USPS Priority "Up the Arse" Mail). The banging guy who sent me the assfucking CD via Priority "Dirk Diggler" Mail and paid $6.00 had actually spanked me $2.50 to ship to Canada, and if he actually paid $6.00 to ship the assfucking item, I feel kind of guilty, because the cuntlicking actual cost of the wanking item wasn't even $6.00."
Sheer brilliance! This website is an online deadpool of companies in turmoil. Las Vegas should be as fun as picking the losers at Fucked Company. Each week, you get to pick five companies that are rumoured to be in turmoil, and points are scored for the demise of said companies. Just like those fun celebrity deadpools that we all know and love, but with a twist! Fucked Company also features a bevvy of goodies like T-shirts and mouse pads for sale from www.cafepress.com. Becky's grandfather is truly evil, and she has felt the need to share everything but the smell of her dear old Gramps with the world. She loves hatemail by the way, as she has certainly received her share of it. The Paperless One was quite impressed with Becky's sarcasm, and wasn't surprised to find out that she is a fellow Canadian! After doing "Concerned Parents Against Rock" for three years, I have gathered extensive information proving that most Americans "don't get it". As further proof, they voted to a tie, and the election didn't really go into overtime! Did you see that Stormtrooper whack his head on the doorway in "Star Wars"? How about that chain pulling the burning bus in "Speed"? Ever notice that not only porn flicks forget about boom mike placement? Here's a wonderful archive of films - and what's wrong with 'em. Before you make it a Blockbuster night, make your way to this site, and you may just find yourself lauging at "Schindler's List" - even if your name isn't Hitler! The San Fernando Valley Folklore society has compiled the most amazing list of bullshit stories to circulate out of people's mouths and into people's e-mails. I haven't met these guys, but if I did, the Paperless One would certainly kiss their feet for debunking the vast amount of shit that so many people have tried to spew as fact for so many years. I still aspire to come up with an Urban Legend as good as the one about the secret tunnels at Disney World, but I also long for the day when I stop getting those "virus alert" messages. Until then, at least I have Snopes to refer the bastards to!
Both sites are maintained by a guy by the name of John Halcyon Styn. He won a Webby recently for his efforts (unlike the Paperless One), and (like the Paperless One) maintains a weekly online column of his adventures. He has met Ron Jeremy, been threatened by Fruit of the Loom, and loves fake fur! What more could be said that doesn't have you getting the hell out of www.egulphy.com in a hurry? How about this: he was on STUDS and was brave enough to admit it after the 90's game show was all but forgotten to all of us. This site is dedicated to the "Mouth of the South", Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker. As reported in the April 23rd edition of PAPERLESS, these guys have set up a web site where you, the John Rocker fans of the world, can unite and participate in some good ol' rednekkin'. Just kidding, I think the site's name says it all...and they also have merchandise like "Rocker sucks" t-shirts that you can purchase through the site. Here's a site from another Brantfordite with nothing better to do than churn out high quality material for you, the web surfer. The name alone is a testament to the high standards of excellence in everything on this site. Just kidding, Larry! Long live online e-zines, for it is them who tell it like it is. This site features several other Netizens besides Darryl (aka Larry), and is chock full of content (and apparently fans, too). How could the Paperless One not love a site that is right up the alley of CONCERNED PARENTS AGAINST ROCK? I wrote to the ingenious person behind this excellent site and we compared hate mail bags. It turns out that all of your nasty letters must be from the same ten people, because we both got the same ones. P.S. : It is true that Goths suffer from heat exhaustion. Along with metal folk, they don't know when to put away that big leather coat. Maintained by Jerry O'Connell look-alike DAN WALKER, www.overnow.com features HTML resources, a webcam (although there are no JavaScript enabled Venetian blinds on his site), MP3's, and even free web-based e-mail. Dan used to live in the booming metropolis of Brantford, but was mysteriously shipped off to Kingston (and it wasn't to join the Tragically Hip). Peter Gilstrap writes for L.A. Weekly, but I don't know how he finds the time, considering he must spend the majority of his time looking for Jesus. Check out his JESUS OF THE WEEK and you'll understand, and maybe even be saved! Sandy McMurray writes for the only paper that manages to make its way into my workplace, proving once again that semi-naked women promote literacy. However, Sandy emphatically states that he wouldn't get naked to sell more papers (okay, he never really said that), but he does write an excellent weekly column on computers in the TORONTO SUN, and keeps his clothes on doing it!
The other reason I pick up the TORONTO SUN is Gary Dunford. Although he once said in his column that I was a "funny guy" and used to correspond with me, he then found out that I had 5 cats and has been writing nasty columns about me ever since. Okay, so he hasn't really, but the undertones are there, leaning toward nasty between the lines messages about me and my cats. In order to redeem myself with Gary, I do have two dogs, but Gary can still smell the litter box. All that having been said, Gary still kicks ass and writes a wicked column. Check it out, but leave the cat at home. Want your site here? Remind me what a good friend you are and provide a reciprocal link to www.egulphy.com.
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EPINIONS
WWW.SNOPES.COM
PILE OF CRAP
P.A.R.O.D.Y.
OVER NOW PRODUCTIONS
JESUS OF THE WEEK
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