Apology

In this week's PAPERLESS, we accidentally included a photo of New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani where it shouldn't have been. We actually had NO PHOTO of the high-speed Internet guy, ironically enough.

Here is our explanation:

Up until Saturday night, our column this week was going to be on Rudy's shocking press conference earlier this week where he announced that he wouldn't be running in the upcoming gubernatorial election, thus making Hillary Rodham Clinton a shoe-in for the vote. The unfortunate circumstances surrounding his health and his recent breakup with his wife were not the main factors of our story, however much of a blow they may be.

Our issue with Rudy is his mysterious choice of a location for this press conference. New York's "Scores" strip club, a staple of NYC culture that is given free plugs on a daily basis by radio jock Howard Stern, was the site of the impromptu conference. As strippers gyrated around a pole in the background, Giuliani gave his announcements:

"I am withdrawing from the race to concentrate on my health. Now is not the right time for me to focus on politics, it's time for me to focus on that pole over there...and for the record, lap dancing is pretty damn cool! As a single man, I can once again assure you that New York strippers will be free to earn their decent livings any way they see fit. You guys know my wife made me do it!!!" exclaimed Giuliani, referring to his past policies that attempted to "clean up" NYC of evil things like lap dancing.

We apologize for any confusion this may have caused. Rudy Giuliani does not have evil clones running around out there. You can sleep in peace tonight.