New Formula One wagering form!
July 13, 2003
CLICK HERE TO GET TO THE FORM (posted July 19th)
We've been playing around with F1 for a long time now, and have seen many dominant teams in the sport over the years (who can forget the old McLaren dominance, as well as those of Benetton, Williams, and of course, Ferrari). As a matter of fact, Paperless is finding it harder to sell F1 to the uninitiated based on sheer racing excitement, as you are more likely to find that on a journey on Ontario's 400 series highways on any given night, and as a result, has had to come up with some other ways to make the sport interesting.
Enter the "alternate wager form". Still being perfected, we have begun to come up with an expanded version of our age-old "How many cars are going to finish" wager (this was inspired by the spectacular 12-car pileup at the start of the 1998 Belgian Grand Prix (link goes to video of the incident).
These days, Jacques Villeneuve finishing a race is a rarity - he's a long way down the totem pole from his whirlwind 1996 F1 debut. Sure, it's his own damned fault for taking money over car, and leaving Williams to join his assistant trailer park supervisor Craig Pollock in the then-newly-formed BAR team. Why not share a little bit of shadenfreude over Jacques' misfortunes and put his inevitable retirement lap on the wagering form?
Why not go one further and bet on the FIRST RETIREMENT, with the ultimate reward of double points should the first retirement actually be Jacques Villeneuve?
Also not famed for their finishing skills is the Toyota team - we shall be wagering on their misfortunes as well. How many Toyotas will finish? How about bonus points for any points the pair may get along the way (there could be a 12-car pileup on the opening lap!).
Speaking of retirements, where there are drivers out of a race, there is also ITV's Louise Goodman. When Edmund "Eddie" Irvine was a regular interviewee of Louise's, we suspected some sort of illicit affair going on between the pair, only we could not find a telltale toilet seat anywhere in the area! Louise still gets a lot of action these days, and as long as Jacques is still Jacques and Fernando Alonso is still "dangerous", there will always be drivers for Louise to interview while a Schumacher is adding another race win to his repertoire. Why not wager on who Louise's first interview will be?
NASCAR and CART (sorry, I mean "CHAMP CAR OPEN WHEEL RACE CAR CHAMPEEN DRIVERS WHO ALL ARE DRIVING FORDS THIS YEAR ON FEWER OVALS THAN THEY USED TO") keep track of lead changes, while F1 doesn't dwell on the issue. Perhaps there might be a lead change or two while someone is in the pits, so why don't we add this one to the form as well?
Other basic shit that could be added could include: lap of first pit stop, number of cars to pit before lap 20, and number of tire blowouts (there is an evil tire war going on, and with the exception of Ferrari, it is currently being won by Michelin).
Why stop the wagering when the race is over? In the spirit of the British and their love of wagering, we have extended the betting into the post-race, including the obligatory bonus points for anyone within the scope of the podium feigning being an orchestra's conductor during the playing of the winner's national anthem (bonus points should be awarded if there team members wearing wigs at the podium ceremony as well).
It can't stop there...there are so many things left, such as "HOW MANY DRINKS OF TANG ARE THE WINNERS GOING TO TAKE?". and the best wager of all for our fellow Canadians watching the race on TSN...
How long after the cutaway from the ITV coverage before Vic Rauter says something really stupid, like:
"...and somewhere in there, he is no doubt saying "WUNDERBAR", as it was that kind of performance..."
Gee Vic, I thought lines like that only came from the likes of my dad.
There's only one problem with this wagering form - I have no idea how to score it, but I promise that I will post a downloadable version of the bookie form before next week's race once I figure out what a "conductor gesture" during the playing of the Italian national anthem should be worth!