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May 19, 2002

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Singin' with Elvis

May 19, 2002

Car dealers are a wacky bunch, aren't they?  Even guys who sell NEW CARS resort to the strange sort of advertising techniques that are thought of only when thinking about USED CAR DEALERS.  Case in point:

Paperless isn't quite sure what would inspire Gary to Photoshop a picture of The King and put it in his ad.  He can only speculate, however, what Elvis song The King would be singing when it comes to his very own Chrysler automobile, that being "Heartbreak Hotel".

Paperless' Intrepid is draining his wallet with all 244 of its horsepower!  The latest "heartbreak" with Paperless' five-year old automobile involved the intake manifold gasket getting sucked into one of the cylinders and causing it to run on five cylinders (albeit much worse than a five-cylinder Volvo runs on five cylinders).  What could go wrong next on this car?  Perhaps I should take a cue from www.fuckedcompany.com and start my own deadpool about my car.  I could call it www.fuckedchrysler.com (sweet, it's not taken!!!).  Items out of the running that have already failed include:

  • catalytic converter (after three and a half years, still under warrantee)

  • O2 sensor

  • the other O2 sensor (surprise - there are two, and they're both fucked)

  • ignition coil pack

  • water pump

  • timing belt (at 85,000 km)

  • intake manifold gasket

  • thermostat

  • fuel rail O-rings (was a recall)

...and many more.  Feel free to bet on these items again, as they were most likely made by surly union dudes named Bubba from Windsor or Detroit as well.

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