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May 5, 2002


Stayin' Alive...

May 5, 2002

The Leafs are in the second round of the playoffs again this year, and after showing the initial ability to roll over and play dead, something, whether it be the fickle Toronto media (Jo-sieve!?!) or the inspirational announcement that captain Mats Sundin will return as soon as he wraps up his latest Chunky Soup ad shoot, gave the Buds a shot in the arm and guided them through six periods of mayhem, paying off with a Roberts goal after the game continued long past Pat Quinn's bedtime.

Last year, we were talking about Tie Domi's spectacular play in the playoffs - then Tie went and fucked that up by elbowing Scott Niedermayer in the cranium.  This put the team into a psychological tailspin, from which they never recovered from until midway through golf season.

This year, what's the difference?

None of the Leafs will be able to enjoy the golf season, as they are all too injured to swing a club, so they might as well continue to play hockey.  The banged-up up list is almost as long as the healthy list, with Sundin (broken whatsit), Yushkevich (blood too thinned out to bleed blue and white), Garry Valk (pick one - ripped off ear, groin, or teeth through lip), Corey Cross (hip? leg? spleen?), Lumme (a concussion, finally getting this liability off the team), and Tom Barrasso (copied Cujo and broke his hand too) all out for medical reasons, keeping them off the greens for a while at least.

Add to that the flu bug that continues to plague the team (stop using the same spoon to eat the Chunky soup, guys!), and you have a tired-out hockey club - especially when they start playing five-hour hockey games with only three lines like they did on Saturday night.

However, the Leafs, assuming that enough of them are available to fill the bench for the next few games, should be able to kick some Ottawa ass as they have handily done in the past two years, likely leading them to a third-round showdown against - of all people - Doug Gilmour, Sergei Berezin, and Yanic Perrault.  Things could get very interesting this month, so stock up on beer, because it's far from over!!!

Youppi!, yesterdayP.S.:  Phil D. writes in asking,

What the fuck is up with all the Youppi! shit on the Scribble?  Are you obsessed with Francophone mascots?  Is it some sort of fetish?

Well, Phil D., let me tell you that the Youppi! columns are among the most popular ever, and are keeping scores of terminally ill French-Canadian kids going right now, giving them a reason to face the next day each day. 

Would you deny this "raison d'existence" from a poor French sick kid?  Neither would I, Phil.  This is why "my heart will go on", to borrow from another famous Quebec native, and Youppi!'s adventures will continue in Scribble for much longer than they continue to be funny for.

Much longer.

We will make Letterman's butchering of a joke look like a joke...unless Osama tries some more funny stuff, or people start to give a shit about that Baretta guy.

Youppi! so far:

#364 may 5, 2002 - Youppi! teams up with Moby
#363 may 4, 2002 - Youppi! makes wrong pilgrimage to Margaritaville
#362 may 3, 2002 - Youppi! demands apology
#361 may 2, 2002 - Yassar meets Youppi!
#360 may 1, 2002 - Flyers fire Barber, hire Youppi!
#357 april 28, 2002 - Ferrari domination vs. lack of money
#356 april 27, 2002 - Youppi! buys the Expos

Youppi! will continue on www.egulphy.tk for some time now - at least three weeks after I get the word that it's not funny anymore...

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