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November 4, 2001

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What People on the Street are Saying About the Anthrax Scare

November 4, 2001

Although odds of winning lotteries and being stuck by lightning haven't been reported as being any better lately, CNN has somehow managed to scare an entire nation into believing that the mail they pick up may be infected with anthrax.

What are some of these people saying about it?

 

Astin Fervor, Atlanta, GA

recording studio gopher

"I'm protected.  Larry Blackmon from Cameo gave me his bright red codpiece - it's the latest weapon against terrorism, you know."

 

Darryl Smith, Bridgeport, CT

model and part-time waiter

"Personally, I have no fears of the postal system.  Of course, I do strip down to my underwear before going out to my mailbox, but that is probably because I am a model, not because I'm afraid of anything."

 

Dilbert Smith, New York City

Office worker

"What are the odds?  It doesn't concern me - I haven't checked any mail in almost two months anyway,  I'm too busy watching for planes out my window.  Don't tell my boss - I haven't got any work done, either."

Eduardo Sanchez, Miami, FL

Shopkeeper

"I'm scared, but this is why I have hired two schoolgirls to get down on all fours and lick the mail clean before I even touch it."

Francis Black, Los Angeles, CA

Musician

"I climb up to the Hollywood sign and open my mail there, shaking any possible anthrax free.  Did you know the Baldwins live down-wind?"

Three Guys in Masks, Washington, D.C.

Mmmhphhhhmmmnnn

"Mmmmpphhhhhhh mmmmphhhh wmmmmffph hmmmph."

"Hmmmmmph-mmmmph."

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